SMS Jokes
☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone
forever!
# 3 advantages of getting a £50 note tattooed on uncork:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to
hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened
if d rubber hadnt tore!
☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like
your arse!
☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the
pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock
theres a wet pussy!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes
u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see
who wins!
☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun,
Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .
☻Jack & Jill went 2
the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER
let's go home & DO IT PROPER ☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .
☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻This is acock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...
COCK SUCKER !!
☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money
☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents
☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET
☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"
☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!
☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"
☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!
☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!
☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
☻Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!
☻Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money
☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch
& smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!
☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!
☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!
☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!
☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!
☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
☻News Flash - Indian
Earthquake ☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!
☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!
☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!
☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!
☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
!!News flash!!
Indian earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
Australia sendingclothes.
britain sending ... ... ... Replacements
☻Leather Heather
there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
☻Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
☻Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
☻IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth
☻Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor
This is acock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...
cOCK SUCKER !!
☻Condom factory
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.
☻Yo Mama
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
☻Mary Stinks
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
☻Mary's Duck
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!
☻Tampons
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!
☻Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!
☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.
☻Yo Mama
Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
☻Mary Stinks
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
☻Mary's Duck
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!
☻Tampons
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!
☻Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!
☻Suspense
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag
☻Gary Gliter
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻U and the Pope
do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)
☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex
☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.
☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..
☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!
☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??
☻Foot and Mouth
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth
☻Blondes
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop
☻Operator
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
☻Blonde Womens legs
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!
☻This Way Up
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H
☻I love you
This time I’m sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
I
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
☻Mary's Lambs
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.
☻Sheep
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
☻Butter
Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!
☻Hickory, dickory,
dock do u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)
☻Durex
Do you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex
☻Old Days
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.
☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..
☻Kiss Me
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!
☻How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
☻My Roof?
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??
☻Foot and Mouth
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth
☻Blondes
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop
☻Operator
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
☻Blonde Womens legs
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!
☻This Way Up
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H
☻I love you
This time I’m sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
I
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
☻Mary's Lambs
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.
☻Sheep
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
☻Butter
Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!
☻Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!
☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!
☻Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!
☻Down on her Knees
Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!
☻Cat and the Sausage
A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
☻Oral sex
Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
☻Mary's bike
Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt
☻Rhyme
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!
☻NewsFlash
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !
☻Nutella
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella
☻Baby Please
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!
☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!
☻Men like toilets
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!
☻Mary's bush
Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
☻Horny
Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
3)r ucold?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!
☻Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
☻Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
☻Little Girl
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!
☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!
☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!
☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
☻Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
☻Little Girl
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!
☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!
☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!
☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
☻Getting Old
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!
☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!
☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!
☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
☻The AlpahbetIll fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!
☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!
☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!
☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!
☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?
☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!
☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!
☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!
☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!
☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!
☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!
☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover
☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!
☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration
☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.
☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.
☻GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.
☻cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down
☻HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !
☻WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!
☻SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?
☻BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
☻VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?
☻F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!
☻THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
|
☻LOVE AND SEX
|
|
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play
the game!
|
|
☻SEX IS ...
|
|
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts
his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need
a demonstration?!
|
|
☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
|
|
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock,
but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer
4 U
|
|
☻NIGHT PRAYER
|
|
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also
make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat.
Amen.
|
|
☻WHAT I NEED
|
|
I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss,
I need love, I need sex, I need you!
|
|
☻WRONG NUMBER
|
|
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've
got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ...
SORRY
|
|
☻NO SEX !
|
|
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex,
Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !
|
|
☻PHONE ENGAGE
|
|
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times.
everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS
HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'
|
☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.
☻TWINKLE
LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.
☻OLD
MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
|
☻ARSE ICONS
|
|
(_!_)
|
Regular arse
|
||
|
(__!__)
|
Fat arse
|
||
|
(!)
|
Tight arse
|
||
|
(_*_)
|
Sore arse
|
||
|
(_o_)
|
Well used arse
|
||
|
(_e=mc2_)
|
Smart arse
|
||
|
(_x_)
|
Kiss my arse
|
||
|
☻SEX
|
|||
|
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd!
U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it
everiday, gd for u.
|
|||
|
☻SEX ON TEXT
|
|
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes...
almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex
on text!
|
|
☻YOU ARE WANTED
|
|
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy,
witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
|
|
☻TALKING DIRTY
|
|
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual
harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute
|
☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING
☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
☻ My Reality Check bounced.
☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle
☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman
for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!
☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get
out! We don't want your type in here"
☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman
says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we
don't serve food in here"
☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra
☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and
says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my
paw."
☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her
up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit
a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it.
☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching
tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt
message
☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one
rested
☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down
Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog,
an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without
the word dog.
☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over
you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it
back for 50p.
☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going
slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it
when you change gears...
☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her
boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves
tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do
you know how to drive this thing?"
☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
Magnets have a positive side!
☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to
man-kind!
☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!
Their personalities!
☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
He was looking for Pooh!
☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina
Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his
stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body
experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.
☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a
cucumber field.
☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his
hands.
☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love?
Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows
everything.
☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his
head.
☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An fucking know it all.
☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and
beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻I've
got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every
fourth child born is chinese.
☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?
A: One has a real live culture.
☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
☻friendship is like
peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank
u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxxWho's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!
☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!
☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!
☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!
☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network
☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!
|
☻3 GOOD MANNERS
|
|
3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands
before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it
bows down after the performance.
|
|
☻MISTAKES
|
|
Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!
|
|
☻ PICTURE
|
|
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you
penis, I will have it enlarged.
|
|
☻MAN
|
||
|
Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and
mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and
then you will be the man!!!
|
||
|
☻ COCUNUT
|
||
|
What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with
a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'
|
||
|
☻ SHOWTIME
|
|
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty?
ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a
panty means IT'S
SHOWTIME!
|
|
☻LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG
|
|
What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
|
|
☻SEX MACHINE
|
|
When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave.
And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.
|
|
☻ SEX ON TEXT
|
|
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes...
almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex
on text!
|
|
☻ CARS
|
|
Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds
my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my
bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'
|
|
☻ DEPRESSED
|
|
A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked?
Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u
will feel the same?
|
|
☻ BAR STOOL
|
|
How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the
bar stool upside down.
|
|
☻VIAGRA
|
|
CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be
available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for
MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you
|
|
☻ WE CAN MULTIPLY
|
|
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes,
divide your legs and we can multiply!
|
|
☻ SNOW WHITE
|
|
*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney
Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and
shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'
|
|
☻ GLOW IN THE DARK
|
|
I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on
my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u
my.. new watch tat glow in the dark
|
|
☻ PENIS & BALLS
|
|
Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair!
Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think
its fun? I always keep vomiting!
|
|
☻ STUPID PYJAMAS
|
|
Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on
my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid
pyjamas.....!
|
|
☻BRUSH MY TEETH
|
|
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and
creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t
wait to brush my teeth
|
|
☻ RING
|
||
|
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause
everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....
|
||
|
☻ DUMB
|
||
|
What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It
has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the
corner from an asshole!
|
||
|
☻ SAGGY BOOB
|
|
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If
we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!
|
|
☻ BLOW JOB
|
|
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to
your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!
|
|
☻ COVER ME
|
|
What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm
going in...'
|
|
☻ TITS DAIRY
|
|
I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her
shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her
tits would turn into a dairy.
|
|
☻Suspense
|
how do you keep an idiot in
suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
|
|
☻Statistics
|
At this moment 5 million are
having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker
is reading this SMS
|
|
☻Farmer Joneshas
|
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag? coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag |
|
☻Gary Gliter
|
*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach. The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's |
|
☻Ba Ba White Sheep
|
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum
grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill
the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
|
|
☻Leather Heather
|
there was a young girl called
heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that
attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
|
|
☻Little Miss Drugy
|
little miss drugy sat in a buggy
smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her
some acid and speed.
|
|
☻Jack and Jill
|
Jack & Jill went 2 the
dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER
let's go home & DO IT PROPER
|
|
☻IRA
|
what do you do if a irish man
through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth
|
|
☻Dear Mammy love annie
|
There was a young girl from
Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your
fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
|
|
☻Cock Sucker Detecotor
|
This is a cock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !! |
|
☻Pink Vagina
|
Dad, what does a vagina look
like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise? |
|
☻Red Riding Hood
|
Bad wolf told red riding hood.
Lift your top so i can suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says! |
|
☻Fuck for money
|
sex is good sex is funny many
people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money |
|
☻YOUR SMILE
|
|
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never
know who is falling in love with your smile.
|
|
☻ WHO YOU ARE
|
|
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who
I am when I am with you.
|
|
☻ I'M STILL ALIVE...
|
|
TaLk 2 me wHen i'm boReD, kiSS me wHen i'm saD, hug me
wHen i cRy, caRe 4 me wHen i diE, loVe me When i'm sTill Alive...
|
|
☻ IN LOVE WITH YOU
|
||
|
It is not being in love that makes me happy... but is
being in love with YOU that makes me happy.
|
||
|
☻ TRULY LOVE
|
||
|
It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less
to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let
go.
|
||
|
☻ CHER|SH...
|
|
Cherish the person you love, never tell lies or attempt to
hurt them because you won't know how important they are until they are out of
your life...
|
|
☻POEM OR RHYME?
|
|
Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love
you until the end of time...
|
|
☻ 2NITE WITH ME
|
|
A sMiLe tO pUt You On HiGh... A KisS To Set YoUr SouL
ALriGhT... WouLd iT bE aLriGhT iF I spEnT ToNiTe BeiNg LovED bY YoU???
|
|
☻LOVE YOU
|
|
Never WasTe an OppOrtuniTy 2 sAy 'I LoVe U' to Someone u
ReaLLy Like, Coz it is noT EvEryDaY u'll mEEt tHe PerSoN WhO hAs tHe MaGic 2
lEt u fAll iN love...
|
|
☻ TRUE LOVE
|
|
True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and
few have seen.
|
|
☻ FRIENDS 4 LIFE
|
|
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard.
Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
|
|
☻: FIRST SIGHT
|
|
FiRsT NiTe, FiRsT SiGhT, I SaW, I KnEw, LoVe's SwEEtEr
ThAn MoUnTaiN DeW, A pRoMiSe I mAdE and' WiLL kEEp, 2 LoVe YOU aLwAys~
|
|
☻ VALUE OF LOVE
|
|
LovE is Not HoW LonG U've BeeN 2gEthEr; nOt HoW MucH U've
GIvEn oR RecEivE; Not hOw MaNy TimEs U've HeLpEd EaCh OthEr --- Its HoW U
VALUE EaCh OtHEr...
|
|
☻: STILL LOVING U
|
|
i håtê Smî|îÑg jûSt tO prEtêñD î'M ñOt hUrt. î hÅtE to
gîGglê tO Show î'll ßê okåY. î hAtE tO laUgh aFtEr î Cry. í Stìll lovE YOU
ßût í'Vé tó SaY gooDbYê...
|
|
☻ NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO
|
|
Don't regret what you've did, but regret what you never
did, go and say 'I LOVE U' to your loved one!
|
|
☻ LOVE IS SO CONFUSING
|
|
Love makes life so confusing but without love would you
want to live?
|
|
☻ REALITY
|
|
Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because
Reality Is Better Than A Dream.
|
|
☻WHY IS HE NOT MINE...
|
|
wOrLd iS cRueL, LoVe iS bLinD. LoSt iN sAdnEsS, BluR In
miND. HeArT iS bRoKeN, fLaMe hAd DiEd. TiMe HaS pAsSeD bUt wHy iS hE... sTiLL
nOt mInE...
|
|
☻ NOT TOO YOUNG
|
|
No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come
from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no
age.
|
|
☻ I FOUND U
|
|
Love is like a cloud... love is like a dream... love is 1
word and everything in between... love is a fairytale come true... Coz I
found love when I found U.
|
|
☻ IT HURTS
|
||
|
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but
what hurts more is to love someone, and never find the courage to let them
know how you feel.
|
||
|
☻ FORGET YOU
|
||
|
It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like
someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget
someone.
|
||
|
☻ IT NEVER SEEMS TO LAST
|
|
I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because
every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.
|
|
☻ FALL IN LOVE
|
|
People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear
your voice I fall in love all over again
|
|
☻ LOVE IS TO THINK
|
|
Love is to think about someone else more times in a day
than you think about yourself.
|
|
☻IN LOVE WITH YOU
|
|
There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but
I always seem to find myself back in love with you.
|
|
☻: SOMEONE ELSE
|
|
The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love,
love someone else.
|
|
☻ OUT OF MY CONTROL
|
|
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice,
but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.
|
|
☻ HEART TO CIRCLE
|
|
Always draw a circle around the ones you love, never draw
a heart because hearts can be broken, but circles are never ending.
|
|
☻: WHO
|
|
I'd rather be hated for who I am then be loved for who
I'm not
|
|
☻ TRY TO FORGET
|
|
Trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to
remember someone you never knew.
|
|
☻ ADVICE ON LIVING
|
|
Dance like no one's watching; sing like no one's
listening; love like you can't get hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow.
|
|
☻ QUICKSAND
|
|
LoVe iS LiKe QuiCkSanD - ThE DeEpEr yOu FaLL iN iT ThE
HaRdeR iT iS tO GeT OuT.
|
|
☻ IN MY ARMS
|
|
You showed me how it is to be loved. Now I know what
really love is. 1 day we will be together forever. I can't wait to hold you
in my arms again.
|
|
☻ WHAT IS TRUE
|
|
There's a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when U R gone.
Mend me 2 ur side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, wat's
simple is true, I love you.
|
|
☻ FLAME OF YOURS
|
|
I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame,
every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you,
because I LOVE YOU!
|
☻ If love were to be taxed,
I would be the highest tax payer.
☻you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily.
☻Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!
☻Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.
☻You need Money to call someone Honey.
☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
☻We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ?
Because their both hands are free.
☻Definitions:
Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.
I would be the highest tax payer.
☻you can't buy Love... but you can pay heavily.
☻Common sense is common, but... the use of common sense is uncommon !!!!
☻Promises are like babies, easy to give hard to deliver.
☻You need Money to call someone Honey.
☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
☻We can see more Grafitti's in girls toilet , WHY ?
Because their both hands are free.
☻Definitions:
Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor: A person who cures the
ills by pills,
and kills by his bills.
LOVE: Loss Of Valuable Energy
WIFE: Worries Invited For Ever
and kills by his bills.
LOVE: Loss Of Valuable Energy
WIFE: Worries Invited For Ever
☻ This sms can only be
read by a SEXY person: Try again...... Nothing? Sorry, i guess your just not
SEXY..HEY! dont force it, ugly git!!
☻ Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
☻ Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a
69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can
fuck u senseless.
☻ Don't be sad... don't feel blue... Frankenstein was ugly
too...
☻ Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS:
When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty
means IT'S SHOWTIME!
☻ I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on
my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u
my.. new watch tat glow in the dark
☻ What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we
don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!
☻ Why are women like parking spaces?... Bcoz the good ones
are always taken and the rest are all disabled!
☻ A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on
over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
☻ According 2 Chinese Docs, a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS:
1.FACE-show room 2.BOOBS-play room
3.TUMMY-store room 4.VAGINA-men's room 5.ANUS-emergency room
☻ Hi i'm an alien i'm checking for some chicks in your
phonebook searching..... searching..... searching..... sorry no chicks found.
conclusion, your are gay!
☻ RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk
pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well
☻ I once had a One2One with a virgin, she teased me till i
had an Erikson, sucked me till my face went Orange, till busted my Siemen all over
her Nokias!
☻ Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on
the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down
& fucked her again!
☻ NEWSFLASH:) Earthquake in Pakistan...50,000 dead...U.S.A
sending money, France sending food, Britain sending replacement paki's!!!
☻ i went for a walk with my uncle jim, when somebody threw a
tomato
at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well
do when theyre still in the tin.....
at him, tomatos dont hurt i replied with a grin. they fucking well
do when theyre still in the tin.....
☻ Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking,
nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
☻ Beat me bash me bite my bum, ill whip u strip u til u cum,
suck me fuck me lick me out, pull my nipples til i shout
☻ Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't
worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
☻ sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temtation, putting
his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do
you need a demonstration?
☻ BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy
☻ GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
☻Advantages of breast milk
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE
☻23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse
A. No need to boli
B. Cat cannot steal
C.available in attractive containers
D.Liked by all age groups
E.Ek Par Ek FREE
☻23 useless things in a man's body
20 nails cannot be hammered
2 balls u cannot throw
1 cock cannot crow
Don't laugh gals ur pussy cannot catch mouse
|
☻Cocktail
|
Is it d whiskey dat makes u
frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it
d rum dat makes u cum!
|
|||
|
☻Triplets or Twins
|
I want triplets, You want twins,
Lets get in bed and see who wins!
|
|||
|
☻satisfy a woman
|
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN; caress,
excite, cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper, console, worship,
respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
|
|||
|
☻Life is like a dick
|
Life is like a dick! When it's
hard Fuck it!
|
|||
|
☻Rainbow
|
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da
jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy &
stuck it up Bungles bum!
|
|||
|
☻Love & War
|
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and
i'll blow the shit out of you!
|
|||
|
☻Little Girl
|
When i was a girl,i had a little
quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of
grace & charm,I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
|
|||
|
☻Virginity
|
Virginity is like a balloon, one
prick and it's gone forever!
|
|||
|
☻Question Time
|
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur
wall?
A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock! |
|||
|
☻The Truth
|
QUESTION)Wots the difference
between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! |
|||
|
☻Pringles
|
Sex is like a pack of Pringles!
Once you pop, you can't stop!!
|
|||
|
☻Marriage
|
A man woz arranged 2 b
married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor
cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
|
|||
|
☻Getting Old
|
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo |
|||
|
☻Baby Please
|
Of all the babes ur my
selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth are clean for ur
inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
|
|||
|
☻Pair of tights?
|
HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A
PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2 calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of
hares & 1 smelly fish!
|
|||
|
☻Sex+drugs
|
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get
drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2
trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!
|
|||
|
☻Men like toilets
|
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantlt full of shit! |
|||
|
☻Mary's bush
|
Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim
that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
|
|||
|
☻Horny
|
Roses are red, voilets are
corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
|
|||
|
☻5 bad things
|
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work,right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! |
|||
|
☻Hickory, dickory, dock
|
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch
woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da
end of da block
|
|||
|
☻Mary had a little lamb
|
Mary had a little lamb,she kept
it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!
|
|||
|
☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater
|
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had
a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, Fucked her
arse & went 2 bed!
|
|||
|
☻Being a student
|
Being a student is so much
fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how
tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!
|
|||
|
☻Down on her Knees
|
Shes down on her knees,Eager to
please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs
turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job!
|
|||
|
☻Cat and the Sausage
|
A cat tries 2 get a sausage out
of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL
OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
|
|||
|
☻Oral sex
|
Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do
a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick
it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
|
|||
|
☻Mary's bike
|
Mary had a little bike,she rode
it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt
|
|||
|
☻NewsFlash
|
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female
friends that i can get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a
limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !
|
|||
|
☻Nutella
|
I love when you stick your
little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.
|
|||
|
☻U and the Pope
|
do u know what's the diference
between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's
a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)
|
|||
|
☻Old Days
|
in days of old wen knights were
bold + condoms wernt invented they tied socks around their cocks + people
like u were prevented.
|
|||
|
☻Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
|
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol, lifes a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world lets get high.. |
|||
|
☻Kiss Me
|
Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted
kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so
kiss me BABE im vacinated!
|
|||
|
☻How many letters
|
How many letters are in the
Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after
him!
|
|||
|
☻My Roof?
|
last night I lay in my bed
looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where
the fuck is my roof??
|
|||
|
☻Foot and Mouth
|
mary had a little lamb,its name
was little ralph,its burnin in a field right now cos its got foot and mouth
|
|||
|
☻Blondes
|
What is the difference between
blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop |
|||
|
☻Operator
|
This is your mobile operator and
we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on
ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
|
|||
|
☻Blonde Womens legs
|
what did the blondes womens left
leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!
|
|||
|
☻This Way Up
|
Pleas turn your mobile phone
upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H |
|||
|
☻I love you
|
This time im sure about wat i
feel & im gonna say it
i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys! |
|||
|
☻Mary's Lambs
|
Mary had 2 little lambs their
names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're
black and crispy.
|
|||
|
☻Sheep
|
Group of sheep in field, one
says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all
shot.
|
|||
|
☻Butter
|
Your teeth are so yellow, i
can't believe it's not butter!!!
|
|||
|
☻Condom factory
|
Your birth certificate is an
apology letter from the condom factory.
|
|||
|
☻Yo Mama
|
Yo mama's so ugly, even the
elephant man paid to see her.
|
|||
|
☻Mary Stinks
|
Mary had a smelly minge with
pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up
her arsehole!
|
|||
|
☻Mary's Duck
|
mary had a little lamb she also
had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck
|
|||
|
☻Tampons
|
whats the difference between a
mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck up
cunts!
|
|||
☻Girl:
Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.
☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.
☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.
☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?
☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.
☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?
☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
|
☻FRIENDSHIP TEST...
|
|
thE tEst oF fRiEndsHip dOseN't cOmeS wHen u R 2GethEr. It
cOmEs wHeN u ParT waYs & u ReaLizE tHat dEsPitE tHe dIsTanCe, thE fRiEndshIp
iS sTilL tHeRe...
|
|
☻FRIENDS
|
|
True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare.
False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.
|
|
☻F.U.C.K
|
|
REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz
F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we
FUCK till eternity!
|
|
☻FRIENDSHIP IS....
|
||
|
FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how
U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U
Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
|
||
|
☻ PRICELESS GIFT
|
||
|
FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or
SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!
|
||
|
☻SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED
|
|
If you need advice, text me... If you need a friend, call
me... If you need me, come to me... If you need money... ........... THE
SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
|
|
☻ COMPARE
|
|
FRIENDSHIP is like a tree... It is not MEASURED on how
TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN...
|
|
☻FRIENDS 4 LIFE
|
|
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard.
Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
|
|
☻COMPUTER
|
|
A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life,
'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities &
never 'delete' u from my memory!
|
|
☻FRIENDS ALWAYS
|
|
In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one
thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME
& beyond DISTANCE!
|
|
☻ANGEL FRIENDS
|
|
I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm
surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.
|
|
☻OUT OF MY CONTROL
|
|
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice,
but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.
|
|
☻ MEMORY LASTS FOREVER
|
|
A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True
friends stay together and never say good bye.
|
|
☻ FRIENDSHIP
|
|
The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you.
|
|
☻ NEVER SPLIT
|
|
I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as
the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they
do they will meet again.
|
|
☻NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS
|
|
I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling,
but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we
never lose true friends.
|
|
☻ WITHOUT A FRIEND LIKE U
|
|
EveRyDay I seE LoTs oF StRangErS PasSiNg By mE, ThiS
mAkeS mE reAlisED tHat, LifE woUlD be BORING, WiThoUt A FriEnD LiKE U...
|
|
☻ BEHIND YOU
|
|
DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me
BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN
CaTcH U WhEn U Fall...
|
|
☻ NAKED
|
|
GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I
see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
|
|
☻ MAKING LOVE
|
|
After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong!
1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I'm so tired? Wrong! The answer is
tissue...tissue...plsss!!!
|
|
☻KISS
|
|
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss
without a tongue.
|
|
☻PAINTING
|
|
A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked
woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he
answered - waitng 4 autumn.
|
|
☻FALLING APART
|
|
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a
shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.
I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.
|
|
☻HOME EARLY
|
|
1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging
naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said,
'Because you came home early.'
|
|
☻ NEVER LOSE ME!
|
||
|
We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one
thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend!
|
||
|
☻BEST FREN
|
||
|
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and
touches your heart.
|
||
|
☻SHOOTING STARS
|
|
The times we shared is like shooting star... the time is
short but really beautiful moments.... Forever engraved in our hearts....
Friends forever~!!!
|
|
☻ KEEPING A FRIEND
|
|
KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U
sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my
HEART I swear I'm keeping U..
|
|
☻ PROMISE
|
|
We've known each other by CHANCE, became friends by
CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that's
definitely a lifetime PROMISE!
|
|
☻FLOWER
|
|
If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let
you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep
you as a friend 4ever!!
|
|
☻ A RING
|
|
A ring is round and has no end.... and that's how long I'll
be your friend.
|
|
☻WONDERFUL FRIEND
|
|
There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats
rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i
have in u!
|
|
☻WAT U SEE
|
|
Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship
never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep
within my heart!
|
|
☻ FATE 2B FRIENDS
|
|
A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are
meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the
friendship between us.
|
|
☻ WHAT YOU SAY
|
|
Everyone hears what you say... Friends listen to what you
say... Best friends listen to what you don't say...
|
|
☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS...
|
|
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U
cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then..
I laugh again.. hahaha
|
|
☻ ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU...
|
|
Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, But
you know they are always there for you...
|
|
☻ LEAVING FOOTPRINTS
|
|
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only
true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
|
|
☻AS LONG AS....
|
|
As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long
as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is
never a waste.
|
|
☻ MY BRA
|
|
a gd friend is like a gd bra... hard to find, very
comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart..... HELLO MY GD BRA
:)
|
|
☻ PRICETAGS
|
|
GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with
pricetags, Because..... if He did, I can't afford a precious FRIEND like
YOU!!!
|
|
☻OLD FRIENDS
|
|
Never abandon old friends. They are hard 2 replace.
Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us... i
get BETTER, u get OLDER.
|
|
☻ PATH OF FRIENDSHIP
|
|
The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of
our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend
like YOU! :)
|
|
☻ NIGHT PRAYER
|
|
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also
make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat.
Amen.
|
|
☻ABOUT ME
|
|
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking,
Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well... Enough about ME! How about you?
|
|
☻ GOOD TASTE
|
|
A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of
affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a
form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE!
|
|
☻ BE MY FRIEND
|
|
If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between
us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to
be there for you.
|
|
☻ RULES TO BE HAPPY
|
|
6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free
your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have
ME as UR FRIEND
|
|
☻ FRIENDS
|
|
Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart;
I'll always be thankful that once, along my life's journey I found a friend
like U...
|
|
☻KISS MY ASS
|
|
The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the
butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my
ass!
|
|
☻RING
|
|
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause
everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....
|
|
☻ FRIENDS LIKE HAIR
|
|
Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but
with enough $money$ you can buy them back.
|
|
☻NICE FRIENDS
|
|
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend
like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd
nite n sweet dreams...
|
SMS Jokes
☻A peach is a peach.a plum is a
plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur
eyes & give ur tongue some exercise☻Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!
☻wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!
☻Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated
|
☻Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation,
putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the
explanation or do you need a demonstration?
|
|||
|
☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your
phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it,
because you're smiling now!!
|
|||
|
☻Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
|
|||
|
☻A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain't a
kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and
give your tounge Some exercise!
|
|||
|
☻CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM
WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.
|
|||
|
☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play
the game!
|
|||
|
☻Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on
the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down
& fucked her again!
|
|||
|
☻Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun
or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.u'll get laid.
|
|||
|
☻Kiss me and you will see stars; Love me and I will give
them to you.
|
|||
|
☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She
asks: What do you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you
disappear!
|
|||
|
☻Love is a thing, sex is also a thing.
|
|||
|
☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will
have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have
multiple orgasm again!
|
|||
|
☻Roses are red, Pickles are green. I love your legs and
whats in between.
|
|||
|
☻I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i
like your ass.
|
|||
|
☻Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do
it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME
(TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..
|
|||
|
☻I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I
love you in bed.
|
|||
|
☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink
rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise?
|
|||
|
☻If you want a little brother,
kill your dad and fuck your mother. |
|||
|
☻Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its
bad, its Still pretty good
|
|||
|
☻Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself
and save a quarter.
|
|||
|
☻Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for
money. If you think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!
|
|||
|
☻Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide
the Legs and Multiply!
|
|||
|
☻I want you to ride me like a pony! Hiyaaaaaa…
|
|||
|
☻Don't be silly, put a condom on your willy.
|
|||
|
☻Searching(sex)...... Done... Iedereen is op dit moment
met SEX bezig. ...Wait a sec plz... Maar er is een zot zonder sex dit klotebericht
aan het lezen!
|
|||
|
☻Sex, drugs & rock n roll, speed weed & birth
control, life's a bitch, then u die, so fuck the world & lets get high!
|
|||
|
☻This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now
starting...beep 6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found!
|
|||
|
☻Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please
please....I really need the money!
|
|||
|
☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!
If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!
|
|||
|
☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.
|
|||
|
☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I
love...
|
|||
|
☻Neuk een wijf in dr kont, stamp die anus tot ze komt.S
mijt je benen in de lucht, laat je pijpen in een vlucht. Krab de shit van je
paal, anaal neuken is geniaal!
|
|||
|
☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to
support it for the rest of your life.
|
|||
|
☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
|
|||
|
☻I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !
☻Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.
☻Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.
☻Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !
☻Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth.
☻The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population!
☻What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!
☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places
☻Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!!
☻What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn!
☻A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll !
☻God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *
☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
☻What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ...
☻Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!
☻Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!
☻Sex is like Nike, just do it.
☻Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.
☻How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??
☻When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.
☻Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...
☻Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls!
☻What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!
☻Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
☻The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.
☻If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
☻Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness
☻The difference between erotic and perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.
☻A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....
☻What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!
☻you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!!
☻What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!!
☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
☻A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!!
☻Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back...
☻What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!"
☻There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: "No-Sex"!
☻Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.
☻What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet
☻If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me.
☻American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand
☻sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited)
☻A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.
☻Zwaai uw tieten in het rond, schuur je clitoris op de grond, stop 4 vingers in je kut, ram die kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je met een gans, dit is de mastrubatiedans.
☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good!
mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text.
☻Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.
☻The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling.
☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!
☻I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!
☻Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !
☻By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.
☻Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.
☻Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between
☻Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!
☻Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration
☻SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.
Laws of sex
- The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
- Nothing improves with age.
- No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
- Sex has no calories.
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
- There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
- Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
- No sex with anyone in the same office.
- Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
- A man in the house is worth two in the street.
- If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- Virginity can be cured.
- When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
- Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
- Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
- Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
- The younger the better.
- The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
- It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
- Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
- Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
- There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
- Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
- Love is a hole in the heart.
- If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
- Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
- Do it only with the best.
- Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
- Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
- Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
- Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
- Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
- A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
- What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
- It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
- Never say no.
- A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
- Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
- Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
- Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
- A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
- Love comes in spurts.
- The world does not revolve on an axis.
- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
- There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
- Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
- Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- "This won't hurt, I promise."
☻This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i
i l
i lo
i lov
i love
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
☻Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.
☻Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
☻Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!
☻Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.
☻Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
☻Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
☻mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!
☻whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!
☻sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs...
and MULTIPLY!
☻how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!
☻At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
☻farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field
he's got no sheep to shag
☻*Newsflash*
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's
☻ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
☻!!News flash!!
Indian earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
Australia sendingclothes.
britain sending ... ... ... Replacements
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